By Ciaran Mullooly, Roscommon Leader Partnership
Dementia has been part of Nora Owen’s life now for over ten years since her late husband Brian was diagnosed with it. The couple began to first notice the symptoms in 2010 and the former Justice Minister lived out every moment of the illness with her husband day after day until he deteriorated and finally passed away on November 27th in 2020.
It was a severely testing time for Owen and her loved one. Since that stage, Nora continues to work very hard in creating greater awareness of this condition – perhaps the most feared of them all –as many of us head into the later stages of our lives. She is still talking passionately about what the rest of us have to do to keep the ‘D’ word high on the agenda and Nora still talks with great empathy about people with dementia, and their carers, often still having to cope with feelings of loneliness and terrible isolation.
My late mother also suffered with dementia after suffering a stroke
at the age of 75 so I can fully identify with the feelings she describes
as we chat on the phone. The former Fine Gael politician enjoyed
fifty years of married life with Brian in May 2018 – even though at
that point he was ‘in the heavy grip of dementia,’ yet she still vows
to continue advocating for those suffering from dementia and the
people caring for them.
There’s a myth among many in this country that this dehabilating
disease is exclusively a problem of the elderly. In fact, one in 10
people diagnosed with dementia are under 65 years of age
nowadays and over 180,000 people in Ireland are either currently, or
have been, carers for a family member or partner with dementia. It’s
hitting every corner of the country – and makes no exception for any
ages.
The former Dail politician brings a message of great hope and
positivity when she is asked about the care available to both the
people who suffer dementia or those who look after them, “They
can get the respite grant, they can get a carer’s allowance” she says ,
“and there are support groups all over the country now doing great
work.” Nora is herself deeply involved in running one such support
group in her own native county but feels that the support structures
are even better in rural areas and was more than delighted to hear
about our own ‘Dementia Café’ here in Roscommon. The café is the
creation of the Roscommon Dementia Alliance group – supported by Roscommon leader Partnership SICAP team and made up of
representatives of agencies and support groups from throughout the
county who meet once a month either online or in person to bring
information to those affected and enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, some
nice nostalgic musical memories or just a story or a yarn. It is facilitated on behalf of the Dementia Alliance group by Roscommon
Leader Partnership.
Spotting the first symptoms of dementia in a loved one can be the
most painful task for any of us. ” At first, the signs were subtle” Nora
said, “Brian might wonder what he went upstairs for… then there
were other little things. I might ask him to bring a cup and saucer out
to the kitchen and he wouldn’t understand what I was saying. He
would look at me as if I had asked him to fly to the moon.”
“I let it go originally because Brian would often suffer some memory
loss but seem fine again and then we would carry on. It was the fear
of facing it. I was in denial” she says,”I felt terrible because I knew
there was something happening.” After a family get-together, her
sister Joan, gently took her to one side and told her the hard truth:
“You know Nora, Brian’s memory is not simply normal forgetfulness.
There is something happening” she told her – and the reality
suddenly dawned.
Nora took Brian to the doctor the next day and he was diagnosed
with the same condition that affects 11 more people in Ireland every
day – one in three people over 65 are diagnosed and the numbers are
still growing unfortunately.
Living in the same home as somebody with dementia or Alzheimer’s
can also be a testing experience – and one that often leads to fear
and trepidation for relatives and spouses. I remember meeting my
own poor mother one morning with a tea cup full of hot water but
with no tea or teabag in it at the kitchen sink and sitting her down for
a moment to try and work out what had happened. The habits of a
lifetime can change in some ways during the illness but not in so
many other ways – which is also strange.
Music and song was an important link with the past that my mother
never forgot – despite the deterioration of her condition. In her
youth she had learned to sing the Percy French song ‘ Come back
Paddy Reilly to Ballyjamesduff” and, no matter how bad her
condition became, she could still remember the words and try to sing
as we ALWAYS turned to the left at the bridge of Finea – without fail
on our nostalgic journey back into her memory. Brian Owen and
many others also held onto memories from their past – even at their
toughest time of the illness.
To make it worse for Nora Owen, her husband Brian died in the
middle of the Covid 19 lockdown. She said it was difficult visiting him
at a distance during the pandemic but was also very comforted by
friends and neighbours standing loyally on the road to pay their
respects as he made his final journey following his sad death, and she
still hopes that practice will continue after the pandemic. We all
stood out at some stage at the side of the road during the last two
years to say goodbye to a friend or a neighbour while this took place
and to be frank, it was a brilliant way to honour somebody and will
hopefully continue.
Now she says she will continue to “make people realise that people
are out there suffering still. They should not be forgotten.”
The good news for our Roscommon readers is that Nora Owen will
be coming to the county early in 2022 to speak at the Annual General
Meeting of the Roscommon Older Persons Network which is due to
take place in Strokestown. “I love going around the country to meet
people and speak about my own experience” she told me recently
when we chatted, “I know people love to hear about the TV show
and the choir and David Brophy and the fun we had. I have nothing
but good memories of the ‘Forget me not’ choir and I love talking
about it.”
The Roscommon Older Persons network have issued a public
invitation to active age groups and other committees and residents
groups around the county to help put dementia care at the top of
their own agenda in the coming year and come along to the event in
2022 and listen to Nora’s special message. If you would like to know more please go to http://www.roscommondementia.ie where you will also find a myriad of useful links with information for people with dementia and their carers.
If you would like to attend the event in 2022 with Nora Owen
please contact Ciaran Mullooly, Roscommon Leader Partnership Development officer at 086 0836720 for details of time and venue.
Roscommon Dementia Alliance 